Day 1: Hello world. I don’t typically put my thoughts down like this when traveling but I figured this was an opportunity to try something new. Usually, my own physical journal is the only place I share my daily thoughts, and it’s obviously a little more mundane and personal than what I’d like to put out into cyberspace, but this feels different somehow. It’s certainly likely to still be quite raw and tedious at some points (like now for instance), but it’s a way to process my experiences in real-time and share them with you all.
My journey to Costa Rica seems to have started well before I bought my tickets. Like most things, I didn’t know this at the time. It wasn’t until I was on the side of the road in Liberia, Costa Rica, ice cream dripping down the sides of my mouth, rain pelting my precariously held umbrella (on account of the ice cream), and watching yet another bus pass me by, that I realized traveling really is a testing ground for our deepest struggles.
I am my own worst enemy when it comes to advocating for myself. I blame being the oldest child, working for adults other than my parents at an early age, and having a tinge of perfectionism. My ideal scenario is simply inconveniencing myself if it somehow means making everyone else’s lives even remotely better.
Either I never found my voice or it eroded away with each deference to what would make things easier for others. As I’ve grown older, it’s no longer about pleasing adults but pleasing friends and lovers, even if it feels at times like I’m stripping the paint off my own walls.
I watched at least four (4) different buses pass me by, and what was originally supposed to be an hour of waiting stretched into almost three. I truly began to wonder if I must be invisible. Kind passersby hypothesized that those buses must have been full, and I should try a different bus stop further down the road (ludicrous, I know). Thankfully, I’m starting to feel pretty comfortable in my Spanish and was able to ask the kind ladies, at the ice cream shop again, where exactly this next stop would really be. So, again, there I was waiting for yet another bus, with no cell service mind you (Moovit app is a lifesaver!!), and feeling the weight of my luggage (aka my tote bag) on my shoulder. The amount of honks I was receiving made me think I should just cut my losses and stick a leg and thumb out. However, the varied catalog of Lifetime movies I watched as a kid made me shut that idea down quickly.
The uncertainty and continued passage of time, along with literally just getting to this new country, only made everything more stressful. Unease and hopelessness set in as I opted to go back to the other bus stop, only to realize I no longer had my mask. The idea of eventually getting on a bus and having everyone look at me crazy because I wasn’t wearing a mask was enough to make me shudder. I saw another bus on the horizon and ran in the opposite direction, towards the stop I had previously been at. I resigned myself to the logical game plan of simply placing my body in the road once the next bus came. If that’s what it would take to finally get someone to finally see me, so be it. I didn’t have to go that far (still very much in the road though), but I’m certain my frantic gesticulating made quite a scene.
The moral of the story hit me as I wiped my brow, tried to catch my breath, and regain my composure. Sometimes, we have to stand in incoming traffic to get things done. It is far easier to go all woe is me, and think of the things that don’t seem to be going in your favor. The hard part, yet also the way we really get stuff done, is by standing up for ourselves and thinking creatively. I can never hope to be problem-free, but I can always aim to be full of answers. Triumphantly, I made it to my destination: Tamarindo, and caught the last remnants of a beautiful sunset!
Day 2: I’m currently sitting in a coffee shop waiting for the rain to pass. Costa Rica’s rainy season starts around this time of year. It’s apparently much quieter right now because of this, and I think it’s made my time here all the more enjoyable.
I woke up early to see the sunrise and ran along the beach. I sunk my toes in the sand and watched the waves crashing. I’m starting to think it’s inhumane to live landlocked, as there is something so restorative about just being close to bodies of water. The water here is so warm and to experience it all during the early hours, before everyone else, was something very special.
I wound up making a new friend (if I can even call him that lol). This guy basically tried to pick me up on the beach *screaming*. I can’t believe there was ever a time I felt anything less than beautiful, but it’s still a bit of a surprise when people show an interest in me. Exploring my femininity has honestly brought a light out in (or of?) me, something I’m sure was always there, but definitely dimmed. Reflecting on my childhood, there are stand out moments where I feel I definitely confused people around me, and I think I carried so much of the burden in trying to make others feel comfortable. Now, I face different struggles, but it still feels like an uphill battle to be perceived in the light I know I deserve.
My time in Tamarindo will be brief unfortunately, as I have plans to see the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica as well. The rain today is obviously putting a damper on things, but it’s also provided a nice opportunity to slow down after doing some exploring today. I’d like to get away from some of the tourists and touristy stuff, and funnily enough it does seem I’ve only talked to Costa Ricans thus far. I wouldn’t mind making more friends though, as my bus doesn’t leave till 3am.. and it’s currently 6pm. I’m excited to see what tomorrow brings!
Day 3: On the road again! Currently, I’m sitting on a bus headed to Puerto Viejo de Talamanca. After starting my journey at 3am, we got to San Jose at 9am and I transferred to the next bus at 10am. This part of the trip will take 5 hours, and the views I’ve seen thus far make me think it won’t be too bad. I’m definitely pushing the boundaries of what sleep even means, but I think depravity has at least pushed me out of my shell. I’ve met a handful of Germans and got a practice a little bit of my Deutsch. I’m looking forward to spending my time their this summer but it still feels like such an abstract idea.
Last night ended up being a bit of a movie. I was apart of my first gay bachelor party (congrats Richie!). Tamarindo is apparently party central and I can clearly see why. I made it to my bus, but not before being a hot mess in the hotel reception. Wow, I’m going to miss Tamarindo!
I did not know but I chose the longer route (do not go through Liberia!) but after a quick bus change in San José, I got to Puerto Viejo with enough time to spend some time on the beach. I can already tell this side of Costa Rica has way more Black and I’m loving it. There’s a pretty heavy Jamaican influence here, with plenty of Rastafarian colors everywhere. I stayed at Tasty Dayz Hostel, which was pretty quiet, but a welcome change of pace after Tuesday night. Apparently, they’re sloth-friendly certified or something, though I did not see any during my stay. I’ve honestly seen enough fake ones to tide me over.
Day 4: Today was action-packed, but somehow still very chill. I got up just before 7 and moved to a different hostel to see another part of Puerto Viejo. I’ve honestly loved my time at Kalunai Hostel. They’re not too busy right now so I even got a room all to myself. They also give you a free towel, which is a rarity with hostels.
I opted to rent a bike for the day, as I figured pedaling around would at least allow me the flexibility to get to places on my own schedule. In total, I think I biked like 40-something kilometers, which was not necessarily my original intention. I first started out for Cahuita National Park. The entrance most close to me wound up having an entry fee, while the other didn’t. So yes, I biked a bit more! My expectations were pretty low, so I was not expecting to be completely blown away. I even got to see some monkeys! The water was the perfect temperature, and I got there early enough that there weren’t many other people. I even made some new friends on the trail from Spain! They were apparently on a trip celebrating being done with 7 years of med school.
Afterwards, I went back and reapplied sunscreen and grabbed a rain poncho, just to be safe. I got lucky and only felt a few drops throughout the whole day. I set out for some fish, and that sent me two towns over to Punta Uva. Let me just say I’ve been slacking on the smoothie front and I will no longer be making the same mistake! La Sirena not only had amazing smoothies (ugh passion fruit really is the best), but really good food. I essentially had a whole feast and then went to sit by the water. Even with the clouds looming in the distance, things stayed pretty dry around me.
After getting around via only bus and walking, having a bike was truly much needed. Don’t get me wrong, I love exploring by foot but it really shifts your perspective and also makes the act of getting around a little more whimsical. I wound up making it all the way to Manzanillo and had plenty of moments where it was just on the road amongst the soaring trees. There’s a calm there that I feel is pretty hard to replicate!
My evening started off pretty quiet. I went to grab dinner at La Casita de Monli, which was definitely my splurge meal of the trip. I had some more yummy fish and a passion fruit flan! Walking around afterwards, I ran into a small group of young travelers who looked like they were deliberating on where to go next. They were nice enough to let me join them and we all ended up attending this woman’s 53rd birthday party. It was so cute and wholesome and truly quite random!
Day 5: There’s a tinge of sadness as I prepare to leave Puerto Viejo. I’m so glad I made this apart of my trip, as I now can’t imagine my time here in Costa Rica without it. Originally, I had a plan to go to Manuel Antonio today. The beauty of traveling by yourself and not making any plans, is randomly meeting people at the bus that convince you to change your plans! I still plan to go, but I’ve decided to spend my Friday in San José instead, and possibly explore the city with a new friend from France.
This bus effectively has no air circulation—just sweat on sweat. I have some parks in San José (Parque La Sabana and Parque de la Paz) that I would love to check out, so here’s hoping that at least the dry weather I’m experiencing right now lasts.
Costa Rica is allegedly the size of New Jersey, which you wouldn’t guess given how long it takes to get across the country. The trip from Puerto Viejo to San José was supposed to be 4 ½ hours and wound up being around 6. I at least made another friend along the journey, a woman from Belgium! She and her boyfriend met teaching English (and Chemistry) in Myanmar and now they live here. Post-bus journey we sat down and had a quick meal while the rain poured down. I really don’t think I’ll ever get tired of rice and beans, which is funny when you think about the fact that I used to hate beans with a burning passion.
The rain definitely brought a halt to any exploration plans. The parties in San José, however, were still on. I matched with the sweetest person on Tinder and they invited me out with all their friends. Little did I know this was the start to a very wild night. Definitely not getting into the details here, but I hope the image of me, looking busted as hell, stumbling through the streets of San José at 7am, looking for my very lost umbrella, paints a clear image of how my night went. It was really a blessing to get to see the city through the eyes of young queer people here, and to connect over things like music and language.
Day 6: Now I’m on the bus to Quepos! I feel like I’ve basically lived on the bus this trip but at least I’m getting to see more of this beautiful country. Someone recently told me how when traveling our souls oftentimes need time to catch up. I feel like I’m at that point in the trip where I need a breath. It’s so bittersweet being able to do all of this and see the world from this new perspective. I’m feeling a touch homesick. There’s also a piece of me that’s already sad to be leaving Costa Rica. I’ve seen and done so much over the last few days that it feels I’ve left a little bit of myself at each stop along the way. It’s pretty depressing to think that I likely won’t see any of these places, or many of these people, again.
After my slightly unhinged morning activities I basically fell into bed and knocked out. I woke up at 11, with my shoes still on, and attempted to get my life together. I was craving some dim sum, so I went and got dim sum. I’m surprised so ma y people say not to spend too much time in San José because it honestly seems like there’s plenty to do. I walked through the city’s downtown area and finally got to check out one of the huge parks. It was a gorgeous day and it was nice to just slow down and listen to music.
In the back of my mind, I was also thinking about catching the bus to Quepos. I meandered my way to the bus station and was shocked to find out that the next bus would be at 5pm and it was only just turning 3. The idea of having to sit for two hours in this random part of the city was not exactly ideal. Thankfully, there was also a bus headed towards Quepos that would stop outside of the city, and it just would require another bus to get there. It was also leaving at 3:30! Bet bet!
Fast forward, and we finally arrived outside of Quepos at 6ish. I had around 5% on my phone, and no patience to wait for a bus that may or may not have come. I walked the 50 minutes it took to get there, regretting my decision at many points. The road got pretty dark in some parts and there was virtually no sidewalk. It was around 40 minutes into my walk that a bus finally passed me and all I could was chuckle.
This level of adventure that you find in traveling is very rarely duplicated. It can be easy to lose sight of the humor in everyday life, things like a bus not coming on time, especially if you happen to be like me and take the bus back home in the US as well. Traveling certainly adds a new perspective to it, something I hope to carry home with me.
Day 7: I wound up waking up earlier than originally expected on Sunday. I decided to take the opportunity to get up and charge my phone since this hostel didn’t have outlets by its beds (very annoying). After a couple of days of running around, I decided a night in a proper bed and shower was in order. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to check in till later so I had to get creative with what to do with my stuff. With only one tote bag as my luggage, I decided to put all my clothes and things that wouldn’t be allowed in the National park (they do check your bag for food and stuff) into a plastic bag.
The bus to Manuel Antonio was easy to find and the view of the ocean was incredible. I got lucky and went during a time when their ticket system was down, so I got in for free. For future reference, it costs $16 for foreign guests and you’re better off getting your tickets beforehand apparently.
The park was beautiful and the weather was perfect. It feels like a bow on my time here, even though I still have 3 days left. It didn’t hit me until now, but I haven’t spent more than one night in one place, my entire time here. I plan for the next few days to be relaxing so I hopefully don’t need a vacation from my vacation when I get back. After walking all over the park (though one part was unfortunately closed), I settled into my new place. I went out to dinner by myself by the marina. Of course, I finished just in time for the rain to start pouring down. I lived 15 minutes walking from the restaurant and ran the whole way, trying not to think too much about how soaked I was. As I’m running down the street, this shirtless man is running (clearly by choice in comparison to me) right beside me. We were both laughing and screaming “Pura Vida.” Beautiful chaos!
Day 8: As to be expected, today has been fairly chill. I stayed inside the whole morning and got some much-needed sleep. This trip has been truly incredible and I feel like today/the past couple of days have been a great time to reflect on it all. It’s nice to have the opportunity to do so in the moment, while I’m still here experiencing this trip.
I’m glad to be doing this now, while I’m young. I will say I feel like I’m already growing out of the novelty of this all. Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling, but my years of tote bag adventures are definitely numbered. I also think being here has made me appreciate the people I have in my life more. I want to try better to love them everyday. It’s so hard to travel and meet such cool people and then have to just simply leave them. It makes you think more critically about the people you spend each day with.
It’s my last full day here in Quepos, and something I can’t shake my mind from is the thought of how alone traveling can be. I wonder what the future for me looks like as someone who aims to see the world when it seems so many people are set on staying in one place. Today, however, I am reminded that life also exists beyond my imagination and that my wonderful friends will join me on so many of these adventures. I’ve been so shortsighted to think otherwise.
Day 9: I’m sitting now, by the pool at my hostel. I just got in from a relatively quiet night out. What started out as a search for a hamburger turned into bumming a couple of cigs from a cute guy outside of a club and then going on an adventure to find a statue with a bunch of guys from Atlanta (Athens lol). We also found a big toothbrush!
I also got a tattoo today! The inspiration came to me a few days ago while partying in San José. I had seen “Soledad y AMOR.” scribbled on a bathroom wall, and at the time, thought to simply to take a picture because it struck me for some reason. It means solitude (or loneliness) and love, and as I think about my words that I wrote yesterday, I think it perfectly encapsulates the next chapter of my life; a chapter this trip could not more poignantly mark the beginning of. I’ve always advocated for self-love and deep admiration for the people that surround you. Yet, it is another thing altogether to live by these words and to have them etched into my skin. This trip, I’ve seen how there is beauty in both sides, whether it be choosing to be alone or wanting to share your space with others. In fact, they go in hand-in-hand. I love my best when I can also take time to think and be my own person. I’ve been thinking so backwards and wanting to make sense of other people; subconsciously affirming to myself that my thoughts and feelings somehow matter less. It all goes back to day 1 of this trip and recognizing my need to stand up for myself.
Day 10: My heart is so full to have experienced the world in this way. I think back and this all began because I decided months ago that I wanted to see Costa Rica. A week ago, I still had no clue how this all would turn out and I sit here now amazed at all that has transpired. Perhaps, these words will never be more than scribbles on pages or these words typed out on a Google doc but they are all still mine; these experiences tell my story in one space in time.
My time in Costa Rica ended sweetly. I waited till the last minute to buy gifts and found myself with not much time to get to the airport. Luckily, Uber was more time-efficient and not too expensive. Unfortunately, I had also forgotten to squeeze in time to eat, and my grumbling stomach was a dead giveaway. I asked my Uber driver if we could make a detour and he gladly agreed.
This whole trip, I’ve managed to get around completely in Spanish and have some meaningful conversations. It’s a small feat but I’m really so pleased with how this experience has broadened my language skills.
I’m headed home and saying bye to this incredible place. Thankfully, I have my new tattoo from yesterday to hold onto this beautiful week. I came in with absolutely no expectations and Costa Rica took me by surprise. I almost wanted to shed a tear at the airport. Truly, I can say I gained a piece of myself this trip. This past year has been incredible, but it has so plainly highlighted the areas of my life that I could do better. I’ve particularly struggled with what it means to be alone when you’ve seemingly got all the other boxes checked off. There are days I feel like there must be something I’m doing wrong; reasons for why I can’t seem to hack parts of life. I also see how all of my experiences of love have somehow involved shedding a part of me. I think I’m regaining control in the recognition that solitude is my strength, and my ability to tap into and appreciate that will take me so far. Somehow, I think that’s the greatest love of all. How can you give if you don’t ever give to yourself?