I was chatting with a friend at a bus stop. We were talking about connection and prioritizing ourselves. Bus routes are interesting. They have an orbit if you think about it. We find ourselves waiting for them. Maybe the logic is a little flawed, but it’s when time has stretched on considerably, when they are furthest from us, that they are in reality closer than they have ever been before. I realized this journey to better understanding oneself feels a bit like waiting for the bus and being in orbit.
My relationships are integral to my journey here on Earth. I look at my life, particularly this past year, and I see how being social, and connecting with like-minded spirits, affects me deeply. I do not need to see into my future to know that something important is happening. This grassroots community building is setting a foundation for a life I am happily still constructing. Remarkably, I feel it has taken these people around me “seeing” me to start to even ponder what it means to architect my life and finally inhabit my body.
What exactly does it mean to be in my body?
Obviously, it depends on which season of my life we’re talking about. Some weeks I feel closer to myself, and others it feels I have bounded far off away from what feels comfortable. Talking with my friend, I could physically feel this distance from myself, or at least my last version of me that I really checked in with. While that may sound sad and scary, I feel a great deal of pride. This past year was a whirlwind, so much so that I think we all have probably forgotten to really take stock of our growth and progress.
I think of this distance between me and whoever I was a year ago, and it can seem like something between a walk around my street corner and a flight across oceans. I have packed up my life and started over, fallen headfirst into my own worries, and resurfaced after clawing my way to a newfound dignity. This, I must admit, has landed me so far away from whatever was once comfy and cozy.
Today, I am processing all of this. It is a new sensation. While I feel far from what was once my comfort zone, I trust in my orbit’s magic. Like clockwork, again I will find myself in a place of knowing. Yes, it is terrifying not knowing right now. This just simply is not my season for that. Till that season arrives, I will keep telling myself to trust.
I’ll wait and enjoy this somewhat disconnectedness. That’s exactly what this would appear to be—a detachment from what once was. Yet, one’s orbit is intrinsically beautiful because you are never not connected, especially when you feel more removed from yourself than ever. In fact, that is arguably when you become subject to our most beautiful surprise: returning home to you.
On that day, I will gladly proclaim I have returned. No different from how I rejoice today though. I’ll say similar things: that I am thankful for friends who constantly remind me how far I have come. I am so proud of those same friends for their hard work; they have been putting in sweat and tears to grow and be better. I am blessed to know that they know, I know, that we know that progress is not linear, and there will be days we are farther adrift than we have ever been before. Hopefully, in those moments, we have presence of mind to remember just how good it feels to round life’s challenging corners and return so peacefully to us and each other and all this new knowledge we’ve gained along these orbits of self.